Get behind me, lazy bum.

I have a friend who sits. I mean, not only is he physically capable of making use of his hind-end, he's also proficient at it.

I have watched, on multiple occasions, people ask this person to do a job, or to help with a task, or just engage on something. But these requests seem to fall on deaf ears. This friend will apply himself for a brief period - then POOF... Gone. Not to be seen again for the duration of the task.

I like this friend. I really do, but he's going to have a tough life when it comes to work and life. But I'm not writing to belittle him. I'm writing because I see me in him. The spiritual me.

I'm not sure how many times in my life I have heard good life from Daddy and have forgotten or vanished mid-lesson. I everyday I have an invite to know and be known - but I'm too lazy for that. I'll do it for a little bit, then something distracts me, or it requires too much time and energy. I spend more time on my spiritual ass than I do in the daily task of knowing Daddy.

And yet Daddy spends more time constantly creating me into something new. It is more than I could ever be worthy for. So good to a sitter like me!

I have another friend who is lonely. He's older, a widower. An incredible, caring guy. But he is shy. He doesn't really go out to meet new women. He is where he is.

If we want to know love, we must chase our lover. We must cast off the stuff that holds us down and go after our lover. That's what daddy did first.

I don't know scandalous love. I know good love, safe love, love that isn't, love that is conditional, love of family - lots of different kinds of love. But what is this scandalous love that is Daddy? I want to know. I want to run to that.

I want to be created again today. And get off my ass.

Either blogging sucks, or I suck at blogging. You pick.

Here it is, another attempt to make this blogging thing a habit. We'll see how it goes.

Honestly, the come and go is probably a good thing for me - it usually takes me about 6 months to figure out what is going on in my own heart! The update? Sure, thanks for asking.

I like Jeremy - shocking, I know. Especially for those of you know know me. But honestly, I'm realizing just how deeply this runs. Somewhere I adopted this whole idea that serving and helping was a good thing (and it is!) - but not when my second thought is "what will I get out of it?" I don't want to serve to be served.

Here's the kicker - I've just been informed in my heart that I'm also unteachable. I think that until my heart is actually informed - it is only head knowledge and that never changes very much (except the size of one's own head). But seriously, I don't like correction, I don't like being wrong - and I don't do well when people tell me I'm wrong.

This is a pattern I don't want.

I don't like it in others, why would I expect others to like it in me?

Finally - it has really clicked this week that I have a let's-go personality with a whole lot of keep-up-or-get-out attached to it. If you're close enough to my life that this statement makes sense, thanks for sticking close and sticking it out. I'm learning to let others set the pace for life and friendship - please continue to stick it out with me!

So friends, lovers, countrymen - I'm in the process, you have my word. I'm learning to love and to be loved and I'm learning to let go of the perfect Jeremy so I can embrace the screw-ups around me...



For those of you who bother to read this crap, here is another idea from the brain of Jeremy. Please connect and get involved. I need your help!

...

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song
The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue
Thy free grace alone from the first to the last
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast

Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here
Sin would reduce me to utter despair
But through Thy free goodness my spirits revive
And He that first made me still keeps me alive

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart
Dissolved by Thy goodness I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son
All praise to the Spirit whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine

-Caedmon's Call