“No good. I’ve known too many Spaniards.”

Friends,
It has been a long time since I’ve had the desire to post anything on here. Life just got too big and fast paced for a while that keeping up for real was impossible – let alone throwing in the idea of blogging about it!

But it is the holidays, so life is slowing down a bit for me (is that weird?).

Since my last post I started a job at the Lowes in Harrisburg PA. I walked through the door, asked for a job as an assistant delivery driver, and was hired as a manager. God’s favor is an incredible blessing! It is really amazing to know that you’re being looked after.

Six months later, I’ve been able to trade out of the old and dying 4Runner I used to drive. I purchased a 2001 Tundra from my old roommate in Mississippi. It’s white and I’m actually a big fan of pickup trucks. I might make a good red-neck after all.

I’ve also gone through some more management training at Lowes and am hoping for a promotion when I become eligible in May. I am also finalizing my training for the world of EMS, so I’ll have some new opportunities through that to help people with my time and energy.

A few years ago I loved Worship. I loved being a part of it, leading it – crying out to God and blessing His name. In the midst of that love, I was blindsided. I was betrayed by friends who should have been the most trustworthy people on the planet. In fact, in one fell swoop, they were able to dishearten my entire family.

It has taken years – and we’ve all had to learn how to struggle, to bleed, and to ultimately cry out to God in our own way. My way has been to go serve others. If I’m helping others with their pain, I can forget my own. Right?

Unfortunately, the rainbow will always end. It will always force us back to facing who we really are. In my case, I am coming to grips with how ferociously I can run from more pain. I am facing the Jeremy who becomes comfortable in the mundane; the inner-urchin that constantly begs for attention from fading sources.

Lagniappe became this for me. They were perfect. They should have loved me perfectly. But poorly conceived wishes always birth strife, and what a painful birthing process that can be!

GRACE. It comes into those WTF? flashpoints. It can and should be the very arms we are able to so safely fall back into. It allowed me to see that even on my best day, I’m a recovering attention-addict. I have a deep seeded desire to know someone and to be known. The problem is that I consistently direct that toward the finite (even usually other Christians). I can say now without a doubt – this is a horrible strategy, for I’ve known too many Christians.

And thus I have started what I thought would be a long journey home. I started attending a good Church in the area here. It is a group of people who want to walk in love, joy, and worship which is a pretty good combination if you ask me.

Have you ever noticed how when we’re paying attention, all of nature screams out revelation of God? Happened to me. This week I was driving to work and I was pondering what life would be without gravity. All too often we dream about the ability to fly or to float, but even while we’re thinking such things, we’re counting on gravity to end our flying session. We get angry that gravity holds us down, but forget that our most basic existence is because of this unseen force. Sure, we want to do without it – but we want the ability to call the shots. We certainly want to be in control, but only when it is convenient for us to be. I’ll bet anyone a weeks worth of coffee at Saint Thomas Roasters that you see God the same way. I do all too often! But what of those days when we submit to the gravity? If we pull our head out of the stars, is walking with a loved one all that bad? Or lying in a field on a summer night to watch the fireworks? It is so wonderful when we fully embrace that which we so often try (ineffectively) to rebel against.

God speaks. If you don’t believe me just ask Him to. That being said, I’ve started asking Him to speak again. It has been slow at first. Tuning in my ears to His voice is a bit of a process since being out of practice. But He’s good and He’s patient, which is good for slower guys like me. He has shown me some beautiful pictures of where I’ve been, where I am, and where He wants to take me. I love the steps that He orders our feet in when we ask me. I must admit, I had forgotten how exciting it is to walk with Daddy!

At this point, I’d like to do a shout-out to my friend Merridy. Without her help I would still be stumbling around in the gray, trying to earn my way back into grace. Seeking and searching for whatever it would be that would put my life in order again enough for God to want to pay attention to me again. It was her words of encouragement that showed me that the same Spirit that was within me years ago, when I so loved and knew how vivaciously I was loved, still lives within me. He never left! Elementary? I know. Life changing? Absolutely!

So here I am, standing on the edge of the rest of my life. I’m tied to only one thing and He can move like the wind at any moment. It is scary, but it is also exactly where I want to be. I want Him. I want to live solely for Him. The journey has begun. I think I’m buckled up. My job from here on out is to let Him be my un-rebelled-against gravity.

Coming soon, to a Blog near you.

Friends. The time has come again. I am being found more and more each day. I'm finding a new peace and joy with each sunrise.

And also I might just start using this blog again - all that to say, stay tuned for a monster updatethatwillendallupdates. Coming soon!

Hi
I'm building furniture for rich people. I've been living on cheeses, exotic salads, humus, and lamb. I just wanted y'all to know I'm alive and well! I feel great and finally have some good projects to work on.

I've been staying in a loft apartment overlooking to stone walled herb gardens and private lake. I have no Internet access at my apartment and very minimal cell signal. It is so nice! All there is to do each day is build stuff and play with Moose.

I've also gotten back into working with autocad. After Mississippi it was the first work to surface. It is good to be drafting again! I've also gotten four calls this week from employers. Some pretty good opportunities. We'll see if any of them work out all the way. This is not a good market for job hunting. I'll be selling a kidney soon just to make ends meet.

Alright, back to work.

I need a bailout

I can't find a decent job that pays even remotely enough to live on or offers benefits. Goodnight.

For Beth

Alright - I'm not really in the mood to write a blog. But, due to pressure from friends... I shall make a brief post.

I'm alive, first and foremost. About two weeks ago I put in my notice to leave Lagniappe. As most of you know, the church was making a transition to phase two which leaves the majority of us in a time of major transition. But I was the first one off the ship and so here I sit. At my parent's kitchen table in PA, trying to find whatever work I can get my hands on. What can I say, children first; Moose has to eat.

The trip home went well. I took a few days and toured around Eastern Tennessee. You win Henry Paris. The area certainly is beautiful. Maybe I should buy your house.

Options on top of a job? School, Kenya, Oregon. Who am I kidding - those of you know know me know that I probably have a ton of ideas spinning around in my head. Oh, come on. You love it!

That's not it at all, but that's about all I feel like writing right now. I'm feeling quite a bit better. I imagine that a year of stress probably played a large role in the pain I've been battling with since October. Time with my family has certainly helped that!

But yes - I'm around. Moose is well. We're figuring out what's next and as I know that I'll keep the world posted.

Peace

Zen and the art of "what the heck now"?

What a journey! For those of you who are un-aware, Lagniappe is preparing to move into phase two of its original plan as a mission church. We’re unsure of the face that this transition will ultimately take, but as of May ’09, we will be closing down the construction portion of the church – which will effectively end my time on the Mississippi Coast. The exit is bittersweet. I know in my heart that I’m tired, that my soul needs a chance to go rest – but I see the amount of construction that still needs to happen and this just makes me feel like I want to stay. It is interesting to need to find grace to come to the coast, to spend more than a year finding grace to stay, and now searching for the grace to leave.

I can’t say even to as where the road will take me. I have a number of options including going back to work for myself, going back to school, or even moving to Kenya to supervise the construction of hospitals there. I’m not sure what doors are going to be opened up to me – but I’m sure there will be an adventure that is worth pursuing through each one.

I’ve been home for a bit over a week now, trying to find relief from pain, visiting doctors, and trying to just be at peace with not swinging a hammer. The doctors have found no evidence of a serious pancreatic issue through this process and are encouraging me to just continue to search for patterns or anything that might give more evidence to where this pain originates from. I will say though, that even now as I sit at the airport, I am in far less pain then when I flew up here.

I was able to spend the majority of my time just taking it easy. This included spending time with family, seeing a few friends, and a lot of time just sitting in a coffee shop near my parent’s house and reading while they were at work. If you’re ever in the Harrisburg area, be sure to check out Saint Thomas Roasters in Linglestown. They serve excellent coffee, all roasted in house. And having me say that means a lot considering how much of a coffee elitist I have become!

I’m on my way back to the coast right now. I’m excited to see Moose and have the down time to just figure out what is next. I’m planning on a lot of fishing and hanging out on the beach so I can just have the time to talk with the Lord and see what’s next.

Thanks for checking in on me! You can be praying for me as I look for the next step in this journey!

Much Love

Prayer

Please keep praying for me regarding my pancreas. I just finished booking a flight home so I can see my doctor. I'll be landing in Baltimore on Thursday, about mid-day. Please continue to pray for my healing, that God's peace and love will minister to my heart, even through the pain and the medication. Also, please pray for my family. As you can imagine, this brings up many of the same fears we struggled with when this issue put me in the hospital before. Both of my parents are having a tough time with worrying about me and my health. I can't say I blame them - I'm worried too.

All that to say - please just be praying for me and my family. Thanks for your love and support.